HIV and Relationships – How to Avoid Loneliness

By D G Gordon

HIV and Relationships: An Impossible Negotiation?

It is very common – and somewhat tragic – how often people newly diagnosed with HIV make an internal commitment to ‘give up’ on relationships for good. It is inaccurate to assume that because of your HIV status you are ‘damaged goods’ and no longer worthy of love. There are many ways to adapt to the situation, finding love and enjoying intimacy again, and I will discuss some here.

HIV and Relationships in the ‘Offline World’

In modern times, we have two basic methods of developing relationships with others: Offline (through traditional methods) or online. Both have advantages and disadvantages, though online networking has more advantages when discretion is desired.

If you are diagnosed with HIV and want to continue forming intimate relationships in the offline world, there are certain safety precautions and strategies that need to be considered. Most importantly, if you are sexually intimate with an HIV negative person and disclose too late or not at all, you can be subject to punishment by law.

On the other hand, you may disclose your condition at an appropriate time but elicit a violent response from the person you have been dating. Unfortunately, this is not altogether uncommon, and the victims are most often women.

Avoiding an unusually bad reaction from a prospective partner simply requires a little strategy. You will generally find that the further down the ‘intimacy cycle’ you get before disclosure, the more likely a bad reaction will occur. Unfortunately, there are still far too many people who believe that a peck on the cheek will result in transmission, so erring on the side of caution means disclosing even before a kiss.

The main advantage of early disclosure is that trust will be built; you will have proven to them that you are not playing games with their health. If they choose to not move forward sexually, you still may very well have gained a trustworthy friend.

If they do decide to move forward with the relationship, it is crucial that you are knowledgeable about reducing the risks of transmission – such as always using a strong latex condom (Kimono, Trojan and Durex are reliable), as well as notifying them that no precautions guarantee a 0% risk. Many people will see your knowledge and honesty as a gift and, even if the relationship doesn’t work, will have no desire to shun you.