HIV and Relationships – How to Avoid Loneliness

By D G Gordon

HIV and Relationships: An Impossible Negotiation?

It is very common – and somewhat tragic – how often people newly diagnosed with HIV make an internal commitment to ‘give up’ on relationships for good. It is inaccurate to assume that because of your HIV status you are ‘damaged goods’ and no longer worthy of love. There are many ways to adapt to the situation, finding love and enjoying intimacy again, and I will discuss some here.

HIV and Relationships in the ‘Offline World’

In modern times, we have two basic methods of developing relationships with others: Offline (through traditional methods) or online. Both have advantages and disadvantages, though online networking has more advantages when discretion is desired.

If you are diagnosed with HIV and want to continue forming intimate relationships in the offline world, there are certain safety precautions and strategies that need to be considered. Most importantly, if you are sexually intimate with an HIV negative person and disclose too late or not at all, you can be subject to punishment by law.

On the other hand, you may disclose your condition at an appropriate time but elicit a violent response from the person you have been dating. Unfortunately, this is not altogether uncommon, and the victims are most often women.

Avoiding an unusually bad reaction from a prospective partner simply requires a little strategy. You will generally find that the further down the ‘intimacy cycle’ you get before disclosure, the more likely a bad reaction will occur. Unfortunately, there are still far too many people who believe that a peck on the cheek will result in transmission, so erring on the side of caution means disclosing even before a kiss.

The main advantage of early disclosure is that trust will be built; you will have proven to them that you are not playing games with their health. If they choose to not move forward sexually, you still may very well have gained a trustworthy friend.

If they do decide to move forward with the relationship, it is crucial that you are knowledgeable about reducing the risks of transmission – such as always using a strong latex condom (Kimono, Trojan and Durex are reliable), as well as notifying them that no precautions guarantee a 0% risk. Many people will see your knowledge and honesty as a gift and, even if the relationship doesn’t work, will have no desire to shun you.

Dating With HIV – How to Deal With AIDS Or HIV Rejection

By Ana Smith

Dating with HIV or AIDS can be an extremely anxious event, especially at the onset or near the beginning of new relationships. If you have AIDS or HIV dating instead of being fun and exciting, becomes a time of worry and concern over the serious problem of rejection.

Rejection however or whenever it occurs can be devastating. Being rejected due to your behaviour or your manner is one thing. Hard as it can be, it is tolerable. If someone rejects you due to the colour of your skin, your religion, your beliefs, or due to a disability, it hurts immensely. However you have no control over these things.

It is vital to remember that the world is full of ignorant people who do not like or understand anything or anyone who is different. This makes the rejection of dating with HIV or AIDS no less painful, but deep down in your heart of hearts you know that someone who is so uninformed and intolerant was not that special someone for you anyway. So the relationship would soon have ended by itself anyhow.

If you really like a person, then it does not matter if they have issues. If your feelings are genuine then whatever the person is, was, has or believes will not deter the other persons judgement. You will accept the whole person, which includes the package that they come with as well. For we are all unique and we all come with something.

People who are rejected can take to hiding away. This is just as true when the rejection comes from having AIDS or being HIV positive. Dating with HIV is not easy, so when rejection appears, people can feel that no one will ever understand or love them. So to protect themselves from further hurt they can give up trying to make friendships altogether and go underground, giving up all hopes of ever being loved again.

Dating with HIV and obviously telling brings with it shock and questions. Anyone reasonable would want to know more, especially if this is an avenue they know little or nothing about. They would want consequences and risks explained to them. They may be a little upset, but not necessarily for themselves; for you also. But anyone who really found you sexy and fun before finding out about your AIDS or HIV positive status will still find you attractive afterwards.

Good unemotional explanations will go a long way to building trust and honesty in a relationship. Explain about your drug therapy or ways of managing your HIV or AIDS. Talk about safer sex. All this goes into helping to exhaust the fear; fear felt for your potential partner about learning of your condition and for you dealing with the problem of dating with HIV.

Everyone has the right to love and to be completely and unconditionally loved in return. You are just as deserving as anyone else of receiving this special love. Do not allow other bigoted people make you feel any less of a person. Anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend let alone a lover. Ensure the person you choose is worthy of your love. Never settle for less.

Rejection is not something you can control. Remember however, you can control how you deal with rejection and how you react to it. Instead of letting your AIDS or HIV status turn you into a hermit use it to obtain real proof of the way others feel about you. Allow dating with HIV to give you a little extra insight into finding out just what type a person you are dating.

Turn your condition to your advantage, tell of your issue and remember you are a great person. If they cannot deal with it, that is their issue and definitely not your fault. Anyone who is lucky enough to be in your life is therefore a truly privileged individual. And never lose sight that there are many people out there who will love you warts and all.